So I can’t nap.  I literally can’t nap.   There is something in my human wiring that says “Napping= Not Available For Katie.”  Even when I am super tired, exhausted, and/or sick, it is very difficult for me to go to sleep outside of the eight hours I get each night (yes, I actually get eight full hours of sleep each night, you should try it!)  I envy people who can take naps, I do. Even my identical twin sister, who has the exact DNA as myself, can and likes to take naps as often as she can and does so with ease. I still can’t. And if you were curious, I am writing this blog right now because I can’t nap.

The grass is always greener isn’t it?  You often do want what others have.  A wise woman from my church shared a powerful message a few months ago with a group of women in there 20s.  I was lucky to be in attendance.  It was the same message where my initial light bulb went off about how sick the human heart is and how we shouldn’t follow it (read here.)

She shared that day that no matter what season of life you are in there is always something else that is alluring.  AND that no matter what season of life you are in there is a choice to be content.  A choice.  No matter what you may be facing, there simply is a choice to be content and thankful for both the trials and blessings.

Now, it isn’t in our human wiring to naturally make this choice.  We need God’s help and we need to trust in His will for us to really do so.  How do I make this choice and stay content (even on days when I can’t nap and could really use some extra sleep)?  I look to the God’s Word which says, “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12

His Word is what helps me make the choice to be content.  

And now, after reading it, I am in much less need of a nap.

When I was a freshman in high school my English teacher, Mr. Maite, gave each of my classmates and I a quote for a project.  The quote that Mr. Maite gave me stuck with me from the get go.  I loved it.  It is what I used to have as the banner of this blog and as somewhat as a mantra to my life for 9 years. 

The quote is by Confucius and says “Wherever you go, go with all your heart.”

The quote Mr. Maite gave me almost a decade ago now has been my favorite quote for just about anything...I've even blogged about it  What it has always meant to me is that in whatever I am doing or wherever I go, I must give my full heart and energy. And If I am truly honest this quote meant to me that I should follow my own heart.  Giving my all to the jobs I do, the relationships I have, and the work in front of me describes me to the “T” as I try to give my all, do the best, succeed, and yada yada yada in just about everything.  Quite simply I can be a perfectionist.

What I have been learning, though, these past few years or maybe not learning but finally accepting has been that I can’t do it all and that my heart is the worst thing I could follow.  Ever.  Our hearts are deceitful, worldly, prideful, needy, pleasure seeking, and the list could go on.

In Jeremiah 17 (one of my favorite Bible passages) it says, “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord….The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Who can understand it?” 

Considering “Wherever you go, go with all your heart,” with the meaning of following my own heart, my own desires and needs, and to make myself comfortable is exactly what the culture we live in tells us to do.  Daily we hear messages to listen from within and to make choices on what we want to do. In a culture where it is all about “me” this quote fits perfectly and for a while it fit me, Katie, perfectly too.

I was about me, me, me, and I was on the throne of my life.  The decisions I made were often completely self-motivated and my prayers about them might have been more of an after affect to tell God my plans and not ask for his wisdom and guidance.  I often was depending on my flesh for my strength and not completely on God.  I was following my heart that was full of pride among other things.

Only by the grace of God did I get over this “me” mentality and off my throne when I completely accepted God in my heart as the Lord of my life. Only by the grace of God did I see how following my flesh got me nowhere but more lost.  And only by the grace of God did He put my life verse, Proverbs 3:5-6 in my heart which says “Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, and lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.”

God spoke to me years ago when I made the clear decision to allow Him into my heart in 2009, but it wasn’t until late 2010 and really spring 2011 that I surrendered everything to Him (Read what God did in my life here). And as I type here now, a year later, I can still see the many ways my flesh and “me” are inclined to take over and have control.  But control is the last thing I want and I especially don’t want my heart (which is beyond cure) to be in charge which is why I say don’t follow your heart.

Yes, you read that right.  Don’t follow your heart. Just follow Him.

That is usually how it works when going on vacation...you leave restless and come back relaxed.  Or that is the ideal goal.

Whether you got to frequent a beach this spring or some other kind of vacation destination or you didn't...make sure to go from restless to relaxed sometime soon.  I'd say it's essential. Essential to get away from every day stresses, noises, routines, etc (even if that means something as simple as a bubble bath or hike) and reflect, pray, and seek His wisdom. Granted, these are things I do everyday (reflect, pray, and seek His wisdom) but if I am completely honest too often than not my attention isn't always 100%. This vacation when I finally got to relaxed it was. 

It's when I am closer to the restless (like now that I am back from vacation) that I tend to lose attention percentage points and I must always remember...

"I am the vine and you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

Grace.  A five-letter word with so many meanings.  It could mean a school (a dear friend of mine goes to Grace College).  It could be associated with the popular song “Amazing Grace.”  It could mean saying grace before a meal, or it could mean your name (I had a great Aunt Grace).  But the meaning of the word that has been on my mind and what I associate the word grace with most is God’s grace.

God’s grace is unbelievably overwhelming.  It is something I experience all too often and if I am completely honest don’t give outwardly enough to others.  It is definitely something I don’t deserve being the sinner that I am.  Yet it has been gifted to me from an amazing God through the life of His son.

Grace should be something we aspire to excel at just like the other things we work for in life. It was ironic then (or just God's great timing) that I read in 2 Corinthians 8:7 this week about the importance of giving grace to others (even those difficult to love, well especially those difficult to love).

“But just as you excel in everything-in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness and in your love for us-see that you also excel in this grace of giving.”

This grace of giving is something I don’t aspire to enough probably for a variety of reasons but mainly because giving grace can be hard and it isn't something our flesh finds easy.  I came face to face with this fact this past week at my job when confronted by a vendor we work with. Extending grace can be scary, uncomfortable, taxing, and simply challenging as I experienced firsthand.  But wallowing in how difficult it might be to extend grace to those who have harmed me or who are just challenging to work with is just pointless when I compare it to the grace given to me daily by God. 

God’s grace is unfathomable. I want my grace to others to be like this. Giving grace this week meant me swallowing my pride and responding to the vendor pleasantly admitting a wrong that was out of my control. It was uncomfortable and rather taxing but it was freeing too.  It helped me die more to myself and live more for our selfless and amazing grace giving God.

Extending grace to others like God extends it to me. I’d like to think I am working on it. Are you?

I got news this weekend that completely rattled my insides about just how short life is.  A high school classmate of mine, who I had been editors’ of our newsmagazine with, died of colon cancer.  She was 24 years old; the same age as me.  

Although we weren’t friends outside of classes, we both grew up in the same church and shared a passion for writing.  My classmate had a knack for writing about more serious subject matters and she often researched and wrote the “In-Depth” pieces of our publication, while I and the other editors worked on ads, managing the social club that was our newsmagazine staff, and the more light hearted writing pieces.  Looking back I wish I had appreciated my classmate’s diligence for the research and tenacity to write these important pieces.  I regret not telling her thank you.

Learning of my classmate’s death rattled my insides bringing me a dose of reality about the harshness of cancer and its lethal power to end lives, even young ones.   My classmate’s sudden death reminded me how short life is and how often I continue to take things for granted even though I know not to boast about tomorrow or even tonight.

“Now listen, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.’ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is you life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  Instead, you ought to say, ‘If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.’” James 4:13-15

I’m sure my classmate had dreams for her life, whether they included writing or not, I do not know.  I hadn’t seen or spoken to her since graduating almost 6 years ago but I am certain she brought a calming and endearing presence to anyone who crossed her path.  This was the kind of presence I remember she brought to our rambunctious newsmagazine staff so many years ago. 

I know that she won’t be able to fulfill any dreams she had now as God had different plans for her, but I am hopeful she is with Him and in a more comfortable place.  I have yet another reason to thank her now and that is for giving this important reminder to me about how life is so fragile and never should I boast about tomorrow.

Whether you are a fan of Valentine's Day or not (I typically am not even though it is considered a Hallmark holiday and I ardently LOVE Hallmark)...I challenge you today to look at this holiday differently than what our culture makes it to be. [Although, DISCLAIMER: showing others you love them with cards, candy and your time is valuable, not just today but all year long!]

I've decided to look at Valentine's Day as a mere challenge to be more like Jesus and show others the Love He sacrificially shared for me.  I hope you might join me.

Below are words which are meaningful but are even more meaningful when put into action.

"'A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.'" -John 13:34-35

A challenge...a good one at that.  Loving others as Jesus loves me.  Deep, fully, sacrificially.

"The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love." -Psalm 33:5

The earth is FULL of his unfailing love.  Unfailing.  Can you believe that? 

"The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love." -Psalm 103:8

Slow to anger...key phrase here.  By loving others as He loves me, I need to be slow to anger no matter what, who, how difficult, etc. Loving the tough people around me is always the hardest and I need to do it better.

Jesus' sacrificial love for us is the premier example of how we should spend Valentine's Day and every other day loving those around us.  

Other meaningful words...

"Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person.  Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love." -Erich Fromm

"Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives." -C.S. Lewis

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."-Mother Teresa

Happy Valentines!

“Strive for excellence, not perfection, because we don't live in a perfect world.” –Joyce Meyer

AH HA! This is the sound I probably made once I clearly understood that we live in a broken world and we are a broken people, me being one of them.  A light bulb moment.  Ever have one of those…where something just clicks and you automatically begin to see something in a new way?  Figuring out I can never be perfect and life isn’t perfect was just like that for me.

Come on you might say…no one is really perfect, didn’t you know that?  And maybe deep down somewhere I did grasp that perfection was never really possible but that definitely didn’t stop me from striving towards it in just about everything I did for most of my life.  For what now seems like the longest time, I believed their was this "light" at the end of a long tunnel where everything was perfect...that’d once I obtained it (worked really hard, got my homework done, did extra good deeds, kept in good physical shape, etc) and came face to face with this light, a peace would overwhelm me and things would simply be perfect.

Snap.  Snap out of it Katie.  Some time in the last three years the true light has really turned on telling me that 1. No, I can’t be perfect 2. Life isn’t and never will be perfect 3. Only Jesus is perfect.  Now, I knew Jesus was perfect from an early age and I even taught kiddos about Him and His awesome ways in Sunday School classes but I didn’t really accept that I couldn’t ever be perfect until I truly recognized my ultimate need for Him and became dead to myself/this world and alive for Him.

He was the light I was after and am after and I am so thankful that I now see it. 

Do you?

Do you feel older?  This is the question I’ve gotten most today, the day after my birthday.  Yes, I feel older I say because I’m tired.  But this is just part of why I think I feel older or we will go with wiser today.  After a whirlwind day that yesterday was I’ve had a chance to reflect and consider the past year of my life.  Having a January birthday not too far into the month this reflection tends to coincide with the New Year as well, so I’ve had some time to think about it.  

I simply feel so blessed.  Blessed because looking back this past year was the hardest I’ve ever had.  I had three jobs last year, 3, trois, tres, THREE, however you want to say it, 2 more jobs than I ever thought I would have in a calendar year. Ouch is the reaction most people have especially resume lovers (I, myself, am an ex-resume lover) but the answer I have for them is Praise the Lord or in this day of text-communication PTL!

PTL I had three jobs last year. PTL I went through the largest trials of my life so far.  PTL for He was with me every tear-stained, upset stomach step of the way and He helped me become an ex-resume lover.  He helped me break the idol I was desperately holding onto of having a perfect job, resume, career, and life.  And I am incredibly thankful.  I am thankful for the hard things He saw me through last year.  I am thankful for the many good things He blessed me with too.

During a trial, you have two choices:

1. You can ignore the Lord and be mad at Him OR
2. You can RUN to the Lord and trust Him during the hurt, pain, confusion

And there is much in the Bible to say about that.  Just jump to James 1:2-4 or 1 Peter 1:6. He cares and uses trials for a reason.  This I learned last year. I gave it all to Him and trusted in the Lord to see me through. And He did.

Praise The Lord/PTL for the good times too.  He creates those just as he creates the trials in our lives. Our sinful nature though (or at least mine at times) seems to not give the proper credit that is due for all good things the Lord creates.  Honestly this turns out to be that sometimes credit is given to ourselves, to coincidence, or to luck.  Wrong.  

I’ve been so reminded lately that all good things come from Him, not from my doing, to good luck, or worldly ways.  “For who makes you different from anyone else?  What do you have that you did not receive.  And if you did not receive it, why do you boast as though you did not.” -1 Corinthians 7

PTL for creating good things and reminders like this one that everything comes from the Lord.

Oh and PTL for Dairy Queen birthday cake too.

Babylon.  An extravagant city constructed so many years ago with a flashy, superficial king and culture thriving on beauty, intelligence, and youth.  A city that sounds like it might fit right in here in modern day America.  (Ref. Daniel 1:3-5)

Characters starring in historical Babylon: (Most High) God, Daniel, Nebuchadnezzar, Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego, magicians, enchanters, sorcerers, and astrologers etc etc etc.  Characters starring in modern day Babylon: (Most High) God, you, me, and the media, Internet, Facebook, Twitter, television, Lady Gaga, Katie Perry, Tim Tebow, Mitt Romney, etc etc etc.

For the past few weeks, my bible study has been going through Beth Moore’s study on Daniel and comparing Daniel’s Babylon to the world and our Babylon we live in now.  (Babylon, in this sense, being more of a culture or way of life not a physical location.) And for weeks comparing the two is consistently eye opening and internally convicting.

Eye opening in how much our world today is just like Daniel’s Babylon back then. My shades are off and I can completely see how many of our culture’s must haves today have roots going back to 605 B.C. with good old King Neb. (I.E. Our culture today thrives on the same things: beauty, youth, and intelligence)

Convicting in how much I have let the Babylonian culture creep into my life at different times.  Convicting in how much I have opted to believe in the wrong kinds of messages in moments of spiritual weakness.

Ouch. Have you done this?  Have you believed to be accepted or liked you need to be a certain size and or have a certain look?  Have you sized up others for the same things?

Odds are you have. I know I have drank “Babylon’s kool-aid” believing at times I could be perfect, the right size (smaller always!), and always kept-together.  Are you laughing yet? Because you should be.  I am a big MESS.  I am not nearly perfect; I am constantly battling with sweets and typically need at least one a day; and I tend to forget to bring vital garments to wear after working out and showering at the gym.

I know I can’t do anything on my own.  I can’t do anything without Jesus. I’m not perfect and for that matter none of us are (even if the magazines tell you, you can be!).  What is perfect is that we have a blameless and sovereign God who sent his perfect son to die and rise again for the un-perfect people out there.

Amen.

Dare I ask…have you been drinking Babylon’s kool-aid too?!

You read correctly....that's a wrap, today is the LAST day of my scarf adventure tying scarves in 25 different and exciting ways.  And it is merely coincidence that today's way to tie a scarf is called "The Wrap" !!!  The Wrap will definitely keep you warm and I've been known many times to sport my scarves like this in cold office envrionments. 

My scarf tying adventure has been an interesting one.  I've learned new ways, I'm habitual so I typically keep tying the old ways but slowly but surely I'm tying my scarves in different ways.  I am not sure if you are a scarf wearer yourself but if you are I hope you have learned a thing or two.  Or if not, maybe you at least enjoyed the mutiple pictures I've posted of my office background (yes, there really is graffiti on the walls!)

I must THANK my office partners in crime as they have put up my with questions, multiple scarves, have taken my pictures, been in pictures, and in general been supportive and I am very thankful! 

What is next....ways to fix up my hair? No, I don't think so but there will be something next on my agenda and as soon as I know it I'll more than likely share.

Happy Scarf Wearing!  

This is the wrap.

No but REALLY this is THE WRAP of the scarf tying adventure! Do you have a favorite way to tie a scarf from the 25 ways or another way? Let me know by commenting below. :)